Day 53 of 100 Days of hope
The Art of Appreciative Listening: A Simple Practice to Deepen Connection
By Julie Burningham — The Hope Coach
One of the most valuable skills I’ve learned from Gay and Katie Hendricks is the art of appreciative listening. Why, you might ask? Because most of the time, we don’t really listen. We’re simply waiting for our turn to speak. We’re listening to fix, respond, or defend. And that kind of listening keeps us in our heads — not our hearts.
What Is Appreciative Listening?
Appreciative listening is the practice of being with someone as if they are a rare and beautiful piece of art. It means letting go of the need to come up with a response and simply being present. When you do this, the other person feels seen and received in a way they may never have before. It’s a way to connect at a deep, soul-filled level.
Why It Matters
We all desire attention. It’s a basic human need that psychologist Abraham Maslow forgot to include in his hierarchy. As Katie Hendricks says, “If a human does not get attention, they will die.” She’s seen this truth firsthand.
To give someone your undivided attention — without judgment, advice, or fixing — is a true act of love. It’s a gift that nourishes both the giver and receiver.
In My Own Relationships
I’ve noticed the difference it makes when my husband listens to me with his calm, nonjudgmental presence. He doesn’t try to fix me; he simply receives me. And I feel so seen. That kind of listening deepens our closeness every single time.
I’ve also experienced how this transforms my relationship with my children. When I listen appreciatively, it gives them the space to process, to reflect, and to discover their own next steps. They connect with their inner wisdom — and that’s where real growth happens.
The Practice
You don’t have to be perfect at this. I’m still learning too. But growing in our ability to truly listen is one of the most rewarding parts of being human. When you listen appreciatively:
You can relax — there’s nothing to fix.
You can marvel at another’s courage to share.
You can feel connected to the beauty of their humanity.
That’s the gift. Just listening is enough.
I Wonder for You...
How could appreciative listening improve your relationships?
What do you appreciate about the one sharing with you?
What could you do to help them feel safe?
What appreciation could you offer when they’re finished?
What happens inside you when you truly listen?
Notice how little you have to do. Just listen. Just be. And see what unfolds.
Here is a little video to hear more!
With much love and hope,
Julie Burningham
The Hope Coach