Day 76 of 100 Days of Hope
Why Self-Criticism Stops Your Growth (and What Helps Instead)
There’s a belief many of us carry quietly:
“If I just criticize myself enough, I’ll finally change.”
But here’s the truth many midlife women are waking up to — criticism doesn’t motivate growth. It limits it.
Louise Hay captured this beautifully when she said:
“You have been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving of yourself and see what happens.”
This wisdom isn’t just comforting — it’s backed by experience, psychology, and even a simple school experiment involving two plants.
The Plant Experiment That Shows Why Words Matter
A few years ago, a group of students partnered with IKEA to see how words affect living things. They spoke harsh, critical words to one plant and encouraging, loving words to another.
The results were startling:
The criticized plant wilted.
It yellowed.
It stopped growing.
The praised plant?
Strong. Vibrant. Thriving.
We are no different.
Self-criticism shrinks us.
Self-kindness strengthens us.
Here’s the short video if you'd like to watch it
When Criticism Becomes a Habit
Many of us have been trained to believe that being hard on ourselves will help us do better. But in reality, the inner critic causes:
Anxiety
Paralysis
Overthinking
Shame
Disconnection from self and others
I learned this during a particularly hard parenting moment. One of my kids was struggling, and I instantly spiraled:
“I should have known better.”
“I should have done more.”
“This is all my fault.”
My husband gently interrupted me:
“You can’t do anything about the past. What you’re saying isn’t helping. You need to stop.”
He was right.
My words weren’t motivating me — they were hurting me.
What Actually Helps Us Grow
When I finally softened and chose compassion instead of criticism, everything shifted. Here are some of the things that helped:
1. Moving My Body
A walk, a workout, or even gentle stretching shifted me out of mental pressure and into clarity.
2. Letting Thoughts Lose Their Grip
I noticed the critical thoughts and let them pass instead of believing them.
3. Remembering My Identity
I reminded myself that I am a daughter of God — fully loved, fully supported.
4. Choosing Compassion Over Blame
For myself and my child. Compassion opens doors that criticism slams shut.
5. Offering Myself Grace
Forgiveness lightens the heart. It creates space for better choices.
6. Taking Intentional Action Instead of Reactive Action
When I slowed down, I could see what was actually needed.
These practices didn’t make the situation perfect — but they made me stronger, clearer, and more grounded. And they helped me show up in love rather than fear.
What This Means for You
The next time something hard happens, pause and ask yourself:
“Am I criticizing myself right now… or offering compassion?”
Because here’s what I know:
Hard things will come.
Growth is possible.
And your words — especially the ones you speak to yourself — can make the road easier or harder.
If you choose gentleness, growth becomes not just possible… but natural.
Just like the praised plant.