From a recent survey of moms of teens, mindset was important. But even more than that, moms needed support in:

1. Discovering your life path

2. Setting boundaries without guilt

3. Connecting to self

And that is exactly what I will talk about today in this blog post. 

Discovering Your Life Path

You see self discovery doesn't have to be hard or difficult. We sometimes get in our head and try to think our way there. So that might made it hard. But really it is about connecting to FUN. Connecting to what lights you up inside. 

When was the last time you had fun?

Think about it. What brings a smile to your face and makes your body and spirit happy? In Catherine Price's book "The Power of Fun" she defines FUN as the ability to have:

1. Connection

2. Flow

3. Playfulness

From her research, these three elements created fun. Because we need to be connected to ourselves AND what we uniquely find enjoyable. And connect to others. 

We need to allow flow into our lives where we forget about time, and enjoy the moment. 

And we need to allow for playful self expression. Even some abandonment of some structure of how things should be...in order to relax and enjoy. 

So I would invite you to relax and enjoy something today. Allow yourself to have FUN allowing your self discovery path. I would invite you to find FUN again in your life and see what comes up for you. You might actually decide it is something you want to pursue more of. But right now you are on a discovery journey. 

Setting Boundaries Without Guilt

In Cheryl Richardsons book The Art Of Extreme Self-Care, she talks about how we as women get a high from saying yes to everything. But that it is taking its tole on our mental and physical health. We are addicted to people pleasing. Thinking no one can do it better than us. Which can be true at times, but us doing it all means we can't get the support we need at times. And it can be a downward spiral...Feeling drained because it allows others to take a pass. Our kids no longer realize the gift we give to them. We put ourselves last. Dumbing ourselves down even and saying we don't matter. But then feeling exhausted, under appreciated, and angry. We feel a lack of support. 

So here is my other invitation to you. Allow yourself to say no. And be ok feeling guilty about it for a while. 

Think of it this way. Your saying yes all the time doesn't allow for others to grow or step in when they could. Because you are there. 

Even with our teenagers it is so easy to step in and say, 'I can do that for you'. When they are more than capable. I have been discovering this for myself lately. It can be empowering for them to take some of the lead for their own life. To do more for themselves so they have the confidence to do more. Because you believe in them and have taught them how to do it. 

So try it this week. Saying no. And finding a way that others can take over for you. Especially if you are on the burned out side of things. 

Here is what Cheryl Richardson says about saying no:

1. Take some time for yourself before you say yes. 

2. Let people know up front you might not be able to help out. Be honest. You don't need to over explain yourself. 

3. Do a gut check such as "If I knew this person wouldn't be angry or disappointed would I say no?"

4. Tell the truth plain and simple, with grace and love. 

Here is an example:

formal: 

"In an effort to take care of myself and to spend more time at home, I need to decline your offer, although I'm honored that you asked."

Less formal:

or "thanks for asking. It sounds X (fun, exciting, enjoyable) but I need to say no. I appreciate you thinking of me." 

Use your voice to say what you mean with kindness, empathy, and honesty. 

Connect to Self

That leaves our last category, of connecting to yourself. Let me ask you, when was the last time you spent some time with yourself just for you? Such as going to a restaurant and taking time to enjoy the food. When was the last time you spent time journaling in the quiet hours of the morning? Or going for a walk and enjoying a sunrise or sunset? Here are specific ideas I have found that help me connect to myself:

1. Going for a hike or walk.

2. Seeking for light...such as sun rises or sunsets. But just seeing the sun works too.

3. Writing down my impressions, thoughts and feelings coming up for me. 

4. Following my intuition and building it each day so I trust myself more. 

5. Allowing myself the time and space I need in the morning hours to think, reflect, breathe, and meditate. 

Connect with yourself doesn't have to be hard. I would invite you to spend some extra time with yourself. Not in self criticism or worry. But in actual creation and thinking of where you would like your life to go. It might be that you don't see possibilities now. But I promise you if you spend the time with yourself. Moving your body. And allowing answers to come because you are open and ready, things will start to shift for the better. 

Ok. That was a lot. I hope you enjoyed some of my best tips and invitations. I hope something I said will be helpful to you.

I hope you know how wonderful and powerful you are! You are amazing! And I root for you my friend!

Julie Burningham
Midlife Mom Coach

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