Day 16 of 100 Days of Hope
Small Choices, Big Shifts: Loving Ourselves Through Negative Thoughts
Recently, I had a tender conversation with one of my kids. They shared some of the heavy thoughts they’d been carrying—beliefs that weren’t true but felt so real to them in the moment. Thoughts that said they weren’t enough, that they were falling behind, that they couldn’t keep up.
As a mom, it surprised me. From the outside, I thought they were doing well. But on the inside, they were struggling with a cycle of overwhelm: too many tasks, too many thoughts, not enough energy to keep going. Distractions became their way of coping, but that only led to more self-criticism. And the cycle continued.
My instinct was to jump in and fix it. To say, Stop thinking that way, you’re fine. But I knew that wouldn’t help. Negative thought patterns aren’t solved by quick pep talks. They need something deeper—a pattern interrupt, a gentle shift onto a new path.
Why Quick Fixes Don’t Work
My child thought the solution might be to take half a day off, to step away from everything. On the surface, that sounds helpful. But as we talked, they realized it probably wouldn’t work. They’d use that time to avoid instead of recharge.
I shared an analogy: it’s like eating for half a day so you wouldn’t have to eat again all week, or brushing your teeth all afternoon so you’d be covered for the month. Life doesn’t work that way. Growth doesn’t come from one big effort—it comes from consistent small actions over time.
What Actually Works: Consistent Self-Love
The truth is, transformation happens through small, repeated choices to love ourselves—especially when it feels hardest.
Love yourself for judging yourself.
Love yourself for distracting yourself.
Love yourself when your mind tells you you don’t deserve it.
Even the willingness to love yourself for hating yourself is a powerful start. It softens the edges of the harsh inner voice and creates space for something new to grow.
And then add in simple, grounding practices:
Slow down.
Put the phone aside.
Take a breath.
Give yourself permission to just be.
These small choices aren’t easy, but they are simple. And over time, they create the shift that changes everything.
A Practice Worth Committing To
As I sat with my child, I reminded them—and I’ll remind you too—your commitment to love yourself consistently is what creates lasting change. Not perfection, not pushing harder, but kindness.
You don’t have to wait until you “deserve” it. You are already worthy of your own love. Especially on the days you feel least deserving.
That’s how the cycle breaks. That’s how new patterns begin.