Day 66 of 100 Days of Hope
The Hope That Holds You: What Midlife Moms Can Learn from the Stockdale Paradox
If you’re a midlife mom, you know what it feels like to hold a thousand hopes in your heart at once—hopes for your children, hopes for your marriage, hopes for your health, hopes for your future, hopes for who you’re becoming as your life shifts and expands.
Midlife is a season full of invisible transitions. Kids grow up, routines change, and you’re left asking questions you haven’t asked in years: What do I really want? What do I hope for now? Who am I becoming next?
After 66 days of talking about hope, I’ve been wondering if you’ve given yourself permission to explore your own hopes—not the ones for everyone else, but the ones for you.
Have you written them down?
Have you named them?
Have you allowed yourself to want something new?
Because here’s the truth many midlife moms don’t say out loud:
We’re incredible at hoping for everyone else, but when it comes to our own dreams, we often feel impatient, discouraged, or unsure of where to begin.
When Hope Turns Into Pressure
Sometimes when we make lists of what we hope for, we instantly attach expectations:
It has to happen soon.
It needs to look a certain way.
It should be coming together already.
And when life doesn’t immediately cooperate, that “hope” starts feeling more like force and disappointment than possibility.
This is where an unexpected lesson from Good to Great becomes so powerful.
What the Stockdale Paradox Teaches Us About Real Hope
In Jim Collins’ book, he shares Admiral James Stockdale’s story. Stockdale survived over seven years as a POW in Vietnam, and his observation about who survived—and who didn’t—became known as the Stockdale Paradox.
Stockdale said:
“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end… with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality.”
He noticed that the people who didn’t survive were actually the optimists—the ones who kept picking dates:
“We’ll be out by Christmas.”
“We’ll be rescued by spring.”
And when those dates passed and nothing changed, their hearts couldn’t take the disappointment.
The survivors weren’t the ones with fixed timelines. They were the ones with unwavering faith and honest acceptance of their situation.
A deep truth for midlife moms?
Hope with deadlines is not hope—it’s pressure.
What This Means for You in the Middle of Midlife
You may be hoping for:
More connection in your marriage
More purpose in this new phase
More clarity about who you are without kids at home
More confidence, joy, direction, fulfillment
More answers about what comes next
But attaching a timeline to these hopes…
“How long until I feel better?”
“When will I get clarity?”
“When will I finally change?”
…only creates unnecessary heartbreak.
The Stockdale Paradox teaches us this:
Hold faith fiercely.
Hold reality gently.
Release the date.
Three Steps for Building Hope That Can Carry You Through Midlife
1. Know what you hope for.
Write it down. Let your heart speak honestly.
Don’t worry if it feels too big or too small. This is vision work, not perfection work.
And remember—the outcome may look different than you imagine.
2. Be clear and compassionate about your reality.
Where are you today?
What’s truly happening in your life, your relationships, your emotional world?
Don’t judge it. Just name it.
Reality isn’t a setback—it’s the place you begin.
3. Practice patient perseverance.
Midlife change takes time.
Identity shifts take time.
Confidence grows slowly but steadily.
Healing deepens one gentle step at a time.
You don’t need to force growth.
You don’t need to judge your pace.
You don’t need to panic when things take longer than expected.
Consistency will take you where pressure never can.
The Heart of It All
As a midlife mom, it’s easy to feel like you’re rebuilding yourself from the inside out.
And you are. That’s the beauty of this season.
My hope for you is this:
Hold the vision of who you’re becoming.
Stay rooted in reality without fear.
And let patience be your companion—not your enemy.
The Creator who has guided every chapter of your life is still guiding you now, step by step, with no pressure and no rush.
Your hope doesn’t need a deadline.
It just needs room to breathe.
And so do you.