Day 67 of 100 Days of Hope
You Have Influence—More Than You Realize
Why Your Steady Love Matters as Your Kids Grow Up
As parents, we often underestimate the quiet, consistent influence we have on our children—especially when they get older. When they’re young, it’s easy to see the impact we make: we help tie shoes, soothe scraped knees, set routines, guide every hour of their day. But as they step into adolescence and adulthood, our role shifts. They build their own identities, find their own circles, and make choices that sometimes make us hold our breath.
And in these moments, it’s easy to wonder:
Do I still matter?
Do they hear me?
Do they appreciate what I do?
The answer is yes. Absolutely yes.
The Connection That Grounds Them
I’ve found that when my kids make choices I don’t agree with—or decisions that make me nervous or unsure—my connection to them becomes more important than ever.
Connection gives them a place to return to.
Connection lets them feel safe without feeling controlled.
Connection allows them to think out loud, process life, and come to their own clarity.
Connection lets them know: You’re not alone in this.
Even when they push us away, they feel it.
Even when they roll their eyes, they notice.
Even when they pretend not to care, they rely on it.
As my own children have grown, it’s become harder to connect with some of them. They’re busy building themselves, creating friendships, discovering who they are. Our paths overlap less often. They move through life with momentum, and I sometimes feel like I’m standing at the edge, wondering how to step in without overstepping.
But then—almost out of nowhere—something happens that reminds me my influence still matters. Maybe it’s helping one of them navigate buying a car, or being the sounding board as another considers therapy, or supporting them through a job application. They may not always show it, but they feel the ripple of my support.
And your kids feel yours too.
Your Influence Doesn't Disappear—It Evolves
Influence doesn’t always look like agreement.
It doesn’t look like perfection.
It doesn’t look like control.
Sometimes influence is simply being someone your child knows they can call. Someone they trust won’t shame them. Someone who will tell them the truth with love. Someone who will sit with them without fixing. Someone who believes in who they are becoming, even if that path looks different from what you once imagined.
Influence is presence.
Influence is steadiness.
Influence is love without conditions.
And that influence—your influence—has the power to shape their lives long after they’ve left your home.
Simple Ways to Stay Connected
Connection doesn’t have to be complicated. Often, the simple things make the biggest impact:
Send a text, even if it’s just “Thinking about you.”
Write a handwritten note they can tuck in a drawer.
Give them a call, even if it’s a quick check-in.
Take them to lunch “just because.”
Ask how they’re really doing, and then listen without an agenda.
These small actions communicate love, presence, and dependability. They send a powerful message:
I’m here. I care. You can lean on me.
Your Influence May Be Quiet, But It Is Enough
As parents, we sometimes expect our influence to show up as compliance or agreement. But influence doesn’t always look like our kids making the choices we hoped they’d make. Often, it looks like something quieter:
They know where to go when life gets heavy.
They trust that your love is steady.
They know you want the best for them.
They come back—not because they have to, but because they want to.
Your influence is not measured by how closely your kids follow the path you imagined.
It’s measured by how deeply they feel your love through every season.
Even if the results don’t look like you expected…
Even if your relationship feels messy or inconsistent…
Even if you’re unsure where you stand…
There is always hope.
There is always room for connection.
And there is always a way forward.
You Matter More Than You Know
Parenting older kids is a tender, humbling, beautiful journey. It asks us to let go in some ways and lean in with more heart. It asks us to trust the seeds we’ve planted and stay open to the relationship shifting and growing in new ways.
I hope you remember this today:
Your influence is real. Your love matters. And what you do impacts your kids more than you will ever fully see.
You’re doing better than you think.
And the connection you offer is a gift they carry with them everywhere they go.
Here is a short video to hear more.
With much love,
Julie Burningham
The Hope Coach