Day 9 of 100 days of hope
Say No So You Can Say Yes
Have you ever noticed how quickly we say yes—often without thinking? We do it because we don’t want to disappoint, because we want to be helpful, or because we fear being seen as selfish. But here’s the truth: every time we say yes to something that doesn’t align with our heart, we’re saying no to something that does.
My Own Wake-Up Call
Not long ago, I said yes to supporting an online group two nights a week. I loved the people, and I believed in their mission. But the timing was off. After rushing to make dinner, I would log onto the call while my family sat down without me. It felt like I had my priorities backward—choosing something good, but at the cost of something even better.
The next time they asked, I said no. And that no felt like freedom. It gave me hope because it meant I was choosing what mattered most: family dinners, connection, and being present. That moment reminded me that saying no isn’t about closing doors—it’s about opening the right ones.
Why We Struggle with No
Many of us have been conditioned to believe that saying no is unkind, rude, or disappointing. But is it really kind to say yes when our heart isn’t in it? When our yes comes from guilt or obligation, it drains us. For the person on the other side, wouldn’t it feel better to know our yes was wholehearted?
When we stretch ourselves too thin, nobody wins. We’re distracted, resentful, and exhausted. That’s not the best version of us—and it’s not the gift we want to offer the people we care about.
Creating Space for the Real Yes
Think about it: every yes takes up space in your life. If we say yes to everything, we crowd out the things that really matter. Family time. Rest. Creativity. Growth. Joy.
That’s why clarity is so important. Once we know what our true yes is, saying no becomes less painful. For me, the yes is family dinners. For you, it might be evenings to recharge, a hobby that lights you up, or boundaries around your workday.
No creates space. And in that space, hope grows.
How to Practice Saying No
Saying no doesn’t have to be complicated or harsh. It can be as simple as:
“That’s not going to work for me.”
“I appreciate you thinking of me, but I need to pass.”
“That’s a no for me.”
Another simple practice: give yourself time before saying yes. If you never circle back, it was probably a no. If you find yourself drawn to it again and again, then you’ve found your yes.
Questions to Ask Yourself
To start aligning your yes and no with your deepest values, try asking:
What do I want to create space for?
What really fills me with joy and energy?
What obligations am I carrying just to please others?
The answers will point you toward what to release and what to embrace.
The Hope in No
Saying no is not about rejection—it’s about direction. It’s about moving closer to the life and relationships you want to create. And when we live from that place of clarity, every yes becomes richer, fuller, and more life-giving.
So today I invite you to reflect: What do you need to say no to? What’s waiting for you on the other side of that no?
Your no holds the hope for your best yes.
Here is a video where I share more!
With love and hope,
Julie Burningham
The Hope Coach